Global Turmoil: Flatulence Or Substance – OpEd

Every day and throughout the world we read and hear of turmoil, of threats, violence, divisions, wars for peace and peace for wars, freedom as oppression and oppression as freedom.

In a world where words have lost their meanings and meanings have no words, how do we go about understanding turmoil?

Surely, economies rise and decline, new empires become dominant and old powers attempt to regain their power.

Does global turmoil ‘up end’ the established order? Or does it add up to hot air, flatulence, loud, smelly, empty and of short duration?

Is turmoil more than gaseous air, an after-dinner deep-throated salute to the cook? Or is it a result of transformations of substance, albeit piles of broken societies stacked as precisely located horse buns?

In plain English: we experience turmoil . . . but we struggle to understand its significance. We ask: who benefits? And the quacks answer: Everybody, nobody and somebody.

We will argue that most turmoil receives grave attention but is of little consequence.

Turmoil has many facets and is expressed by many voices, but it seldom leads to substantive outcomes.

A caveat: I am not a Burkean conservative fearful of turmoil, nor a modern version of Candide finding a silver earring in every cauliflower ear.

Turmoil does, on rare occasion, result in greater freedom and justice, but certainly not as a product of a unipolar world.

Turmoil, ‘Turmoil’ Everywhere You Turn

The United States faces ‘unprecedented turmoil’. The chattering classes debate with fervor and solemnity questions of momentous importance.

The two major parties arouse passions over whether one hundred million votes were tampered by a feisty bear, hacking a national committee of garrulous roosters, changing the voting result.

A world historic event! Crowing arouses world attention.

The snoopy bear, or so we are told, was investigated by the former President’s staff, men and women. One million security officials studied, in great depth, untold number of rumors. They scrutinized the dinner tables with high-powered secret cameras to find if the bear chose to sit next to US officials eager for cash and access to honey pots.

Turmoil spread to the stock market and the Federal Budget, facing a shut-down, which will close government offices, stops pensions and salaries. Rumors have it that the Interior Department will lose control of federal lands and the crafty bear will exploit it.

As the clock ticks to doomsday – utter turmoil lurks in the hearts and minds of Congress. The White House gloats, the media points to the Bear in the White House.

Wall Street worries not, since it buys and owns both Parties: It will tell them when to end the Kabuki strife. The turmoil will conclude with an amicable agreement. The budget turmoil was only a scare: flatulence without ‘substance’.

Global Turmoil

Turmoil reigns across the globe because adversaries near and far resist the overtures of an endearing missile up their orifices.

We mean war! This is no idle congressional chatter and boisterous bursts of military clap trap. The US sends bombs and missiles to defeat our adversaries by killing civilians. We empty the cities to capture the terrorists.

Wars become ‘Historical ’ because they are of long duration leading to relentless defeats! Turbulence goes on because of oil, Israel and terrorists (proximity is an unintended coincidence!).

When turmoil ends, we may inherit a land without people and a people with depleted uranium – to paraphrase the modern philosopher queen, Golda Meir.

Turmoil Strikes the Heartland of Our Unipolar World

Let us be absolutely clear: We are not always pointing our middle finger at the US as the root of turmoil. If we go beyond roots and examine branches and falling, dying leaves, millions are involved in the turmoil. It is the joint responsibility of our living and their dead.

Syria is a case in point. We have only killed less than a million, and then ten million abandoned their land and chose our liberty over our terrorists. By the way, how can our terrorists be call terrorists if, with our guns in hand, they stave off the greedy bear — the very same bear who stole our election.

Syria is in turmoil because as Henry Kissinger wisely noted: “If a people is foolish enough to vote for a government that has failed to understand our unipolar world, they deserve their fate”.

Turmoil: Turkey

Turkey is rife with turmoil because it refused to surrender to a false coup by a false leader named Gulan. He happens to live and plot in the US. He was hoping to repay our hospitality with expanded Turkish air bases and open highways for our mercenaries, arms and funds to liberate civilians and recover headless cadavers in Syria.

When the Turkish Sultan dared to imitate our leaders by extending imprisonment to all who opposed him, we denounced him for not consulting us on whom to jail or not jail.

Ankara now threatens our Kurds, who use our arms and Special Forces to liberate the Syrian borders along southeastern Turkey (Kurdistan).

The Turks claim to see a conspiracy to unify the secessionist Turkish Kurds with our freedom-loving annexationist Syrian Kurds. United Kurdistan may be a true ally for now, but who’s to say that in our game of unipolar chess we could turn the Kurds back into pawns if they become unruly under independence and fall prey to the appeals of the roaming Bear.

Turmoil in Korea

In Korea, turmoil is rife! But is it a tempest in a teapot, or a nuclear pressure cooker ready to explode?

We are there. We allowed the North to exist. We only bombed four million of their citizens and limited our defenses to stationing our navy, air force, army and missiles along the North Korean border.

They had the effrontery to seek negotiations for a peace treaty, disarmament and a neutralized Korea. Some quasi-traitors from our side, who deviated from our unipolar mission, had almost reached an agreement. Our President Obama slapped them back and pursued missiles, sanctions and visions of mushroom clouds to bring them under our heel.

President Kim Jong-Un played deaf and blind to our requests for surrender. So when we engaged in a full dress rehearsal for war off their coast – avoiding any incident – the roly-poly Kim Jong-Un shot four fearful missiles into the Sea of Japan, a mere five thousand miles from Silicon Valley and Hollywood , an existential threat.

Our experts detected turmoil: a wider and deeper threat to our respected and long-standing supremacy in Asia.

Turmoil in China

China is fomenting turmoil by supplying our importers with consumer goods; buying our debts, spending only $3 trillion of our T notes; grabbing our markets with their exports while we pursue peaceful wars.

China has stirred our pot, over there and even here. They teamed up with Vlad the Snooping Bear, the same one who fooled 50 million voters to elect Trump, the protectionist. Sly Chinese now entice our Asian trading partners. They close huge trade deals while we openly proclaim that the Pacific Ocean is an American lake —-though it’s not on any map. Chinese rock piles in the South China Sea are global threats, pirate lairs, missile and mussel hangouts.

We reject the One-Party State in China. In America, we have two parties. Bi-Partisan leaders propose that China end the turmoil by closing their labs, research centers, factories and universities and open wide their door with a sign on the entrance of the Forbidden Kingdom: “OxyContin for Sale: Discounted Prices from our Billionaire Pain-killer Partners.”

Yemen in Turmoil

Turmoil in Yemen exists only because the people want to be free of our ‘dear friends, the hand- chopping and head-chopping Saudi Monarchs.

We are for diversity! We fraternize with Saudi-funded mercenary terrorists, Jewish land-grabbers, Egyptian tyrants and Libyan tribal allies, who blend with all of the above!

As our President tells it: “If the Yemenis don’t recognize that they are the poorest country in the Middle East and choose instead to resist the richest tyrants in the region, who are allied with the US, British and French arms merchants. Then the Yemenis, facing our precision bombs, which never miss a school, hospital or food warehouse, must be embracing a ‘death wish’.”

These stubborn Yemenis fighters should stop and study the US Marine Corp porno-website, whose once famous motto has morphed from Semper Fideles to ‘Just lay back and enjoy the violation’!

Turmoil is not necessary if the other side does not provoke our unipolar visionaries and our unsavory allies.

Turmoil in Iran

Iran must be our biggest threat – after Russia, China and others among our ‘biggest enemies of the moment’ – because the Iranians haven’t started a war in the last 200 years. But according to Israeli intelligence who pass their secret information while staying at the Trump Towers, the Persians are preparing secret nuclear weapons, sending secret agents, operating out of secret mosques, run by secret mullahs to launch invasions… while hiding behind their history of non-aggression.

The devious Iranians are sending food and medicine to starving Yemen: This is a Shia plot to infiltrate the Sunni Saudi oil fields to measure if the size of oil wells matter.

We signed fake nuclear pacts with Iran to increase sanctions in order to clear the Straits of Hormuz to allow our Hebrew brethren to breathe freely when Tehran is bombed!

Turmoil in Latin America

Turmoil is a Latin American phase borrowed from overhearing conversations between the Pentagon and Bankers regarding how to topple unfriendly democratic demagogues.

Friendly turmoil allowed us to pre-empt a coup against an incompetent elected regime in Brazil, which committed a stupid bookkeeping error. We put in its place a mega corrupt President who was our man to hand over the jewels of their economy to the people who will make America strong again.

We don’t select individuals –we shepherd flocks, led astray by center-left turmoil, by promoting peace-loving and dynamic wolves. From Mexico to Patagonia, oil giveaways are common currency that surely activate the economy – our economy.
Argentina led the way. The ‘vulture’ speculator, Paul Singer, didn’t have to raise a peep or pick a pocket: Five billion in cash just jumped from their pocket into his.

Turmoil returned as Argentina’s workers failed to find jobs in closed factories, and they couldn’t afford to buy newspapers to look for the want ads; besides these ‘deplorables’ can’t read them because the lights are turned off for not paying the one hundred percent increase in the electrical bill.

The general strike of millions of Argentine workers is just a Latin expression of ‘blowing off steam’ whispered a clever New York professor into the ear of a Wall Street broker.

She received tenure because she always looked through the wrong end of the telescope, to study their turmoil.

We mainly fleece the big Latin sheep first, but we do not neglect the lesser Andean herd. Peru and Chile elected presidents who will shear their people, not of bags of wool, but of tons of copper from their mines.

Turmoil in Dissenting Countries

We may occasionally welcome, and even promote, turmoil if it turns out the oil fields have passed to greedy elected Presidents who claim that petroleum is part of their national patrimony. We generously passed a hundred million dollars to a diverse group of generals, bankers, upscale street thugs and NGOers who seized the Presidential palace and in a fit of wrong-headed compassion merely kidnapped (but did not kill) the greedy elected President. One million slum dwellers, fooled by fake solidarity, protested the regime change. The elected demagogue was reinstated.

The oil-greedy president was re-elected a dozen times.

We were not discouraged because the president foolishly freed our leaders, in a fit of compassion, so they could pursue a coup replay.

We promoted turmoil in phases, with material incentives. We dubbed our coup-masters, “democrats”, and helped them launder billions from the Treasury, hoard food in private warehouses and smuggle contraband to free markets in Colombia in exchange for sending cocaine to our markets via Venezuelan airports.
We don’t rely on coups, until we are forced to, since we finally won two elections; One in Venezuela and the other in the Organization of American Colonies. Any act in defense of the elected president is a gross violation of the Democratic Chatter-Charter, which we wrote in English and procured a translation by our Secretary General Luis Almagro. We mispronounced his name as “El Amargo” – the ‘bitter one’ – which is dead wrong, as he fawns over us while attacking Latinos who resist us.

The United Kingdom: Turmoil of ‘Great Historic Consequences’

We are told that Brexit (the UK departure from the European Union) has created turmoil around the world. In the City of London and the European Union, among bankers, investors and overseas professionals in Great Britain and pensioners in Southern France and Spain, there are cries of despair and regret: What idiot allowed a free and popular vote over the EU?

Turmoil, Prime Minister Theresa May tell us, is ‘all for the best in the best of all worlds’. We are closing our doors to foreign interlopers without shedding our moneylenders and money launderers. We will no longer act as vassals to serve the oligarchs of Brussels; we got better oligarchs at home with a long tradition of training our vassals to serve our empire.

We need not share our export profits with the greedy Germans, nor the tourist markets with pompous French; nor slight our ale-swillers at the Brighton shore for the warm beer at crowded Benidorm.

Once free of the turmoil, our monarchy will sign off lucrative arms agreements with its counterpart in Saudi Arabia. The EU will have to absorb all the Yemeni refugees fleeing the Anglo-Saudi bombardments. We will keep our banks in the City and every ruler with his secret swindle will still come to us.

The United Kingdom will experience a rebirth of an English-speaking free market empire! The Commonwealth will continue to look to us for football scores even if we recruit half our teams from the former colonies.

Of course, English society will change a bit if we leave the EU. We will slow the flow of immigrants but we will not raise wages. Immigration is about ‘values’ not jobs and wages! We will let our workers know who is boss, lest some turmoil results in a united front between departing speculators and our knighted trade union officials.

There is no turmoil in the City over Brexit. Some critics claim that investors and money managers will move to the Continent because they now will have to carry their passports to travel to and fro between each transaction. It’s hard to believe that a mere flash of a passport could be such a nuisance!

The EU real estate accountants claim that England must pay back $80 billion euros for joint holdings in property and cash. An entirely outrageous divorce settlement given the intangible gains the Brussels crowd received from using the British name in overseas transactions or imperial endeavors.

UK will experience some initial turmoil when the foreign and our unpatriotic speculators depart. But we can easily replace them with our highly competent English lads and lasses.

We may experience some initial discomfort if Scotland votes to skip off to the EU and the Northern Irish decide to fall in line with the Popish bunch in the South and sign off with the EU.

There are some rumors that Wales, provoked by the extremist Language Society, might jump ship to the EU, angry over the English buying farming cottages for summer homes – “They denounce them as illegal immigrants”!

We have already announced that we may lose half our kingdom to the EU shortly, but we have given notice that we are ready to defend our rock of Gibraltar and the seaweed stalwarts at our Malvinas Island. Let some Wall Street idlers josh about our empire amounting to a rock-island, they should think twice about its significant. China has colonized unpopulated rocks, which are a fraction the size of our rock! And no one dares to joke about China’s rock island empire building!

The EU is stirring turmoil by insisting that the political divorce precede our trade agreements: This is an unprecedented step according to our respected High

Courts of Justice.

Brussels wants to monopolize trade and investment transactions among their vassal member states. We say we will keep to free trade and let their banks go in order to free our financial institutions. We will tell them to keep their refugees and immigrants!

England will be smaller but better! We will deepen our ties with Anglo-speaking nations!

There might be some turmoil in convincing the other Anglophones to join a sterling zone and to revise their trade ties with China, the US and other regions.

Scoffers may say the ‘Brexiters’ are hallucinating sentimentalists who believe that Merry Old England can refashion a great ‘global union of states’, a ‘union’ of London – New York – Toronto – Canberra – Johannesburg – Buenos Aires .

But there might be some misunderstandings… New York’s Wall Street competes with the City; it poaches high-powered bankers and is advising its subsidiaries to hold out on the high-end rentals at Canary Wharf. Can the City of London build a trans-Atlantic oil pipeline from Canada in order to compete with Keystone pipeline between Alberta and New Orleans?

The sad fact is that the US has already replaced the British Empire and is highly unlikely to share any markets with an isolated and fragmented UK converted into “Merry Old England” – an England which faces turmoil between the workers of the Midlands, the City bankers and the rentiers in the South.

The best bet is for the City of London to secede and become an independent City State and long for the success of Venice several centuries past.

Conclusion: Their Turmoil and Ours

Turmoil is everywhere but some turbulence is better than others. When the US-EU provokes turmoil – wars against adversaries in the Middle East, North and Central Africa, Asia and Latin America– it is a bitter pill necessary to cure the disease of disobedient regimes, which had sought to go their own wrong way.

The turmoil, which destabilizes us and our allies and vassal regions, is putting a spanner in the wheels of progress and development.

Turmoil is part of our changing reality. We are neither rigid nor dogmatic; we are pragmatic. We promote progressive turmoil, so when democratic Turkey overthrows the Syrian regime we can incite a turbulent coup to replace the dictator of Ankara.

To be scientifically correct we must start from the assumption that turmoil, big or small, national or international, a rock pile or a continent, is a class question! Which classes are behind or in front of the turmoil and which classes benefit!

James Petras

James Petras

James Petras is the author of more than 62 books published in 29 languages, and over 600 articles in professional journals, including the American Sociological Review, British Journal of Sociology, Social Research, and Journal of Peasant Studies. He has published over 2000 articles in nonprofessional journals such as the New York Times, the Guardian, the Nation, Christian Science Monitor, Foreign Policy, New Left Review, Partisan Review, TempsModerne, Le Monde Diplomatique, and his commentary is widely carried on the internet. For more of his writings, check out the The James Petras Website.

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