Biden And Blinken Post Beijing Visit Conversation – Parody


Blinken: Hello boss

Great speech haha. Spot on calling Xi a dictator and all that.

Wonderful off the cuff and right on target. I like the way you handled the balloon incident. This should shut up the Republicans.  We could have taken a bigger hit from it but to turn it into something that Xi was not aware of is absolutely brilliant. One for the history books.

Biden: Good to hear Blinky. Thanks. Yes, I see my speech was headline news all over the world. CNN, BBC -. the media buggers thought I was blowing my trumpet when I said that I was better than Kissinger. Now they know me as the real chump, sorry I mean, champ in foreign affairs. They don’t call me “Amtrak Joe” for nothing.

“I’m going to say something outrageous. I think I know as much about American foreign policy as anybody living, including Dr. Kissinger.”

US President Joe Biden, The White House

Blinken: We make a great pair boss. Boy, did I fool the two Chinamen with my charm and got them to avoid saying any nasty things about us. 

I also wrangled a meeting with Xi. Very difficult and last minute. China media are saying “quite unprecedented” and “big honour” for a state sec. What a picture of our meeting at the Great Hall. The photo is sitting in our main reception in the house. Evee absolute loves it so also the kids. 

Biden: Good. Remind me when I meet Xi next that he sits at the head of the table with me on the right side. Maybe include Jill in the photo too.

And before I forget, Karine needs to bring up the dictator bit on Xi and China every now and then when Trump or Rinos say I am too soft. 

Also remind me to give her my promise of a reward soon  – a bigger job. She’s a good kid and our black friends and the LGBTs will see how I take good care of them. They will love to see me doing more for the blacks – this should bring in a helluva lot more votes. 

Blinken: BTW boss your mention of Modi and the QUAD was brilliant too – off the park home run. This wil tie Modi and India to us even more. Indian media is headlining his visit and your appearances together. They cannot wait for it to take place.  

Biden:  I know. You know, Kamala has been disappointing. You tell her that I would love a Bollywood song and dance on how Modi and I are fighting the panda and breaking down the China wall. Include me doing an Irish jig. Friends tell me that I could dance everyone off the floor. Younger days. Tell her to put in some money asap so this can appear on the screen quickly.  

Hunter would love this assignment. He is really the best in this kinda biz. But he is my son and Fox and other SOBs will never let him get away with it. B_____ds.

Blinken: Sorry to drop this on you now boss but to let you know I have been able to make up for you missing meeting the Islanders in Papua New Guinea. We have promised to bring them over for a meeting in DC. First class ticket for them and family will make sure everyone of the island leaders will want to be with you. 

Did you see that I got the Papuans to give our military unimpeded access to their bases so as to screw the Chinese even more. It was actually done quite cheap. Bought them some new uniforms, PPEs. Must say some cargo and flattery makes a big difference  – easy lot to get on our side, boss.

Biden: Well done Blinky. Remind me to call Marape – now, what’s his name now; nothing to do with RAPE. I will let him know how we together, as Christian nations, will make a big difference to Indo Pacific. Also must mention that Modi and Albo are doing their bit. We must bring Fumio and Japan in the picture more, Blinky.

Blinken: Agreed boss. My staff tell me that Albo is very upset, really very pissed off that I telephoned Jap and Korea counterparts before my Beijing trip but not them. 

Biden: Mistake Blinky. You know how hard I worked to get the Aussies to buy our subs. I tell you – this was a real challenge. I was lucky we had Scott on our side to screw Macron. I sweet talked. But amazing job he did. We must see how we can help him now he has done his bit. 

Blinken:  Yup. Remember Trump already gave him our Merit of Honour but I think he is looking forward to something he can put into his pocket rather than wear on his chest!

Biden: Okay. That should be easy to set up. Do it quickly but quietly. Aussie media can be a bitch.

Blinken: Thanks boss. Also BTW the papers are digging up that Evee and I were working with Hunter on behalf of Burisma. I have sent him a copy of my sworn and other statements. Please see that he denies any association I may have.

Biden: Will do, Blinky. No problem. 

Quick final. 

Tell  Zelensky and his boys not to say that they are making slow progress. Hell, after all the equipment and money I have given for them to win, this is a dumb thing to put out. Makes us look bad and really there’s no need to bring in “Hollywood” in his statement. They have to keep saying that they are winning. Remind him, no retreat until we get rid of Putin.

Blinken: Okay boss. But my staff are telling me that they will need more of our heavy stuff as well as money. Putin is not the pushover we have been making him out to be.   

Lim Teck Ghee

Lim Teck Ghee PhD is a Malaysian economic historian, policy analyst and public intellectual whose career has straddled academia, civil society organisations and international development agencies. He has a regular column, Another Take, in The Sun, a Malaysian daily; and is author of Challenging the Status Quo in Malaysia.

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