Parody: Biden And Blinken On Latest China Trip – OpEd
Blinken: Morning Boss. I’ve just finished meeting Xi and he wants me to warn you again of the Chinese red lines
Biden: Morning Blinky. What red lines? He has never spoken to me about them. Btw, try not to call me up so early okay. It’s only six here and the doctor says I need my ten hours sleep.
Blinken: Sorry Boss. I wanted to make sure our boys don’t make a mess of the news followup. Their boys sent me recordings of your conversations with Xi prior to our meeting. They have what you said to Xi on several occasions during the past ten years on the various red line issues unfortunately.
Biden: Oh s…!
I have forgotten. Okay what did Xi say then of the red lines?
Blinken: He made it very clear:
- No interfering of China internal affairs
- No suppression of China developments
- No crossing of the “Red Lines” in China’s sovereignty, security and interests
Biden: We will keep this out from the media.
Blinken: Yes. But they have already released their readout Boss.
Biden: What? What! Read it out man!
Blinken: I don’t think you are going to like it but it was the best we could do.
Biden: Hell: Read it out
Blinken: Secretary Blinken conveyed President Biden’s greetings to President Xi. He noted that since President Biden and President Xi met in San Francisco, the U.S. and China have made good progress in their cooperation in such areas as bilateral interactions, counter-narcotics, artificial intelligence and people-to-people exchanges. The multiplicity and complexity of the challenges the world faces require the U.S. and China working together. The Americans from all walks of life that he met during the visit all expressed the hope to see U.S.-China relations improve. The U.S. does not seek a new Cold War, does not seek to change China’s system, does not seek to suppress China’s development, does not seek to revitalize its alliances against China, and has no intention to have a conflict with China. The U.S. adheres to the one-China policy. It hopes to maintain communication with the Chinese side, follow through on what the two presidents agreed in San Francisco, seek more cooperation, avoid misunderstandings and miscalculations, responsibly manage differences, and achieve stable development of U.S.-China relations.
Biden: Son of a b…. That’s going to make us look bad. You make sure that CNN, Reuters and all the TV networks do not carry this
Blinken: Okay Boss. I brought up all of the usual issues we have with them. Xinjiang genocide. China supporting Russia. Taiwan, Philippines, etc.
Biden: So what did Xi say?
Blinken: He laughed. Offered me a visit to Xinjiang and to talk to the local folk. Told me to focus on the ongoing genocide in Gaza. I think they got us by the b…. on any genocide claim we can make against them Boss.
Biden: What about Russia? We need to score against Putin
Blinken: I know. They announced that Putin will be visiting Beijng in May.
Hell! Nothing we can do about that Boss.
Their boys have also sent us a file of India’s dealings with Russia which makes it difficult for us to sanction and screw the Chinese. Big file with many big names involved. They have also been monitoring the progress of the Indian-Russian plan to jointly produce military weaponry. It will be really bad for us if this takes place.
Biden: Oh s…! Why haven’t I been told more about this?
Blinken: Same here Boss. It looks like Modi may be taking us for a ride on Russia! We have to use our Indian friends in DC and London to put a stop to further India attempts to build up their so-called multipolar world order. It’s really against us.
Biden: Isn’t there anything positive that came out of your meeting Blinky.
Blinken: Well, I raised Yellen’s concern with China’s over-capacity which is causing problems to us.
Biden: So what did Xi say?
Blinken: He laughed. Very loudly. Told me that this red line that we are attempting to draw is simply because US and western products cannot compete with China’s in terms of quality and pricing. He also pointed out that China’s production of solar panels, electric vehicles, batteries and other hi tech and green energy products should be appreciated and applauded rather than criticized. Also they are helping poor countries, etc. He really went on and on . Made our position look bad
Biden: So what did you say.
Blinken: I couldn’t say much Boss. All the reputable economists agree that our criticism is without merit. I told him that we have the Europeans on our side.
Biden: His staff pointed out that German Chancellor was recently in China to promote German hi tech investment and business and that this will undoubtedly contribute further to Chinese over capacity!
Another said that US businesses should invest in the clean energy transition the way that China has done to bring about a cleaner world and a win-win scenario for all, especially our children
Yeah! It was not an easy visit, Boss. We ended up on a positive note though with the Chinese promising not to try to pull us back or down.
Biden: What did they say?
Biden: I will read it
China is willing to see a confident and open US with prosperity and development. It is hoped that the US can also look at China’s development positively. Only when this fundamental issue is resolved and the “first button” is buckled, will the China-US relations be truly stabilised, improved and moved forward.
Biden: Any thing on Trump?
Biden: Not in the meeting. But outside it, they told me that they were expecting a Trump victory.
Biden: Did you ask on how they can help me?
The conversation was cut off at this point
ADDENDUM
Just prior to Blinken’s China visit, the State Department released its 2023 Human Rights report in which it maligned China for its alleged Xinjiang genocidal repression of human rights without offering any evidence.
One most popular response over youtube from readers pointing out the extreme hypocrisy of Blinken’s continuing critique of China’s human rights record as compared with the US’s own undoubted incomparably worse record had this to note:
Free Palestine, free Cherokees, free Apaches, free the Dakotas, free Hawaii, free the Guam, free the Marshall islands, free Samoa, free Mariana Islands, free Texas, free California, free Arizona.
See
Professor Lim has turned to a new genre: parody.
Very well done. Readers across the board need more of this. Parody is an excellent vehicle for cutting the high and the mighty down to size. On the big stage Mama’s boy Blinken is adrift in Lilliput — limp, spent, adrift in trousers three sizes too big for him: a sad , blundering figure.